I have never been a religious person, i wasn't brought up around religion so its never really been a big part of my life. My Nana was religious she would always say a pray & wear her cross necklace.
But other than that not a big part of my life.
When Kyla was in hospital having a MRI to check for any brain activity, i prayed, i prayed so hard for anything, i needed a miracle, i needed help, i needed god to prove in that moment that he heard and he could help. I remember lying on a bed cuddling my husband as he tried to sleep, right in front of me i saw a cross, ill never forget it.
It wasn't an actual cross, not a painting, or a hanging cross. it was like when there has been condensation and you can draw on the wall,someone had marked it with a cross.
I looked and it scared me for some reason, now i think it was a sign, the sign that she wasn't going to make it, the sign i guess of death to be brutally honest, the room had been marked.
My girls ashes are in a teddy and around the teddy's neck is a pink cross.
Do i believe in god.....
I'm not sure, i want to, but i just don't know.
I want to believe my girl is up their with him, playing in gods garden.
Its hard to believe i guess when the worst thing has happened to you, how can these cruel cruel things happen, everyone said around me where is god now, i said and i say don't blame him he got her here for 16 hours he made sure we had precious moments, he gave us our boy , i have to believe he did i guess i try to believe in god but i struggle.
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