35 weeks & 5 days, 19th May 2015.Our beautiful little rainbow baby made his safe arrival into the world.
Hand picked by his beautiful little angel sister in heaven.
Everyday I count my blessing for this little precious bundle we carry in our arms, I truly believe that his angel sister Kyla was with him every step of the way throughout this pregnancy, we had so many scares thinking we had lost him right at the start, bleeding the worst thing you really don't want to see when your pregnant. I said from the start I wanted this pregnancy to be totally different from Kyla's and my gosh was it! But I knew in my heart he was meant to be and his sister was there with him all the way.
To have life in my womb again, to feel his kicks and turns, knowing this is where his sister had grew and also slowly started to gain her angels wings was a beautiful blessing and the most frightening at the same time. I cant describe the fear I faced everyday, the stress, the pressure, the love I had already for this baby, the excitement, the hopes, the dreams, the reality of knowing that it could all be taken away just as it was with Kyla, this pregnancy was a pure mixture of happiness and fear, a long up and down roller-coaster with so many twists and turns, but the ending, a live baby, crying, breathing, life in him, a beating heart, beautiful eyes staring at us,our baby,our son,the rainbow through the storm, shinning bright, words cant even describe this! And I know I have his guardian angel to thank, my girl, I just know she made this happen and I know she made him strong enough, I feel she made this possible.
At 35 weeks, I had my usual midwife appointment, I happened to mention that I had itchy palms a little and that I felt I hadn't felt him as much as normal the day before, but I was doing my rainbow pregnancy photos so I just thought I hadn't been paying attention. As soon as I mentioned this I was sent for a scan, all was ok, he was fine, I was sent to the hospital for bloods and to be hooked up to the trace machine just to check on him, I was having contractions only small ones, so there was a lot going on, my fear and my anxiety kicked in majorly, all I could think was its happening again.
At the hospital I had to walk up to the birthing unit, hubby was at work so I made my way there and he was meeting me. I knew I had to walk up to the ward where I gave birth to my girl, I knew I had to walk past that room, the room where we all sat happy, full of excitement, not knowing the storm brewing was about to hit us hard, the room where her little lifeless body came into the world, I don't know how I did it, but I knew I had to be strong for my boy, he needed his mummy, auto pilot kicked in, I walked past that room with such a heavy heavy heart, pushing the fear and the memories away.
I went into a room which was identical to the room I was in labour in with Kyla, I had to block it out and somehow stop myself reliving it all. I think when I saw my heart rate and when I panicked my baby's heart rate went up too that kicked my ass into gear. I got monitored and sent home after a few hours, baby was ok, my contractions eased off, and my bloods had been taken, just had to wait on the results. The next night I woke up with intense itching, couldn't sleep, was so miserable and worried, I called my midwife next day explained about my itching, she called the hospital and they informed her I had cholestasis and I should go back so they can keep an eye on me and baby.
Seriously my heart sank, I just couldn't take any more, I cried and cried. Why was this happening, why was something going wrong again! I had so many opinions thrown at me about keeping the baby in until we reached 37 weeks at least, when we asked the question "what risk is their to our baby now" and heard the answer......your baby could die if the bile salts gets through the placenta.....we knew we had to get our baby out now. But yet we faced a fight, they didn't want to get our baby out, yet there was a risk to him, after everything we had already faced loosing Kyla, they put this on us.
Thank god to my amazing midwife, she contacted a OB who came too see us and said yes lets get your baby out, he's better out where if needed he can have the help, inside you is the danger.
My midwife and the OB I thank god everyday for these people, they made it possible, they got our baby boy out safely into the world.
We had a C-section on the 19h of May 2015 and at 9:04am our little boy came into the world, weighing a whopping 7.11lbs, and he cried! The one thing I longed to hear more than anything,was that cry, that was my greatest fear, when I heard it my heart I swear stopped and nothing but love poured into my heart for this miracle little boy.
He had thick black hair just like his sister, when I was taken to see him in NICU he was led in a incubator just next to where my girl had laid. I looked at him and he was her double, how could one corner be so painful and tear my world apart, yet where my boy laid there was hope and happiness, and our baby alive.
My boy top, my little angel bottom
Kyla taught me what real love is and so many lessons in those 9months and the past 18 months.
All the things that mattered before her, don't anymore, she has showed me so so much, and I'm forever grateful to be called her mummy, I'm grateful she is my daughter, and I will honour her and love her and carry her in my heart always.
Thank you my girl for giving me this beautiful little boy, thank you for helping get him here safely.
Having my rainbow baby hasn't healed my heart but he has brought us so so much, we smile real smiles again, we feel happiness, we have hopes and we have dreams. He is such a delight, every morning I pinch myself, is he real, is he ours, and yes he is, our boy, our world, our rainbow through the storm.
Life has given us this precious gift, to cherish and love, just as it did with Kyla X x x
Charlie O'Rourke
