Your hopes & dreams - suddenly come to an unexpected end - Our story
We met, we fell in love, we bought a house, we got a dog & we got married. So happy with life & ready more than ever to add to our family.
You think its going to be easy, its what you do, you make a family, everyone does it & it`s easy right...? Not really as we found out.
So our journey started to get our little miracle baby, we knew our chances, pretty slim, but we were ready & we wanted a baby, we went through a lot of ups & downs, but on the 22nd June 2013 our lives changed.... We where pregnant!! After 5 years plus of trying, going through a roller-coaster of a ride to get here, we had done it, we where pregnant & we where so happy & excited.
Everything went amazingly perfect, the whole pregnancy was a wonderful experience, no problems at all, the scans where perfect, we found out you was a little girl & we fell in love with you so much, we watched you grow on each scan, watched mummy`s belly grow, saw all your movements, saw you smile on the 4d scan, you my angel was perfect!
I went over my due date, so at 41 weeks we made a plan, meet at the hospital on the 6th March at 12:30pm, as we had the scan a few days prior to check everything was ok, again 8 out of 8 - perfect. So we went along & I got induced, which hurt & I really didn't like but it worked, our beautiful baby girl was on her way to meet the world & we was so happy & so excited.
My contractions came thick & fast near enough straight away, which was great but painful.
We went home, I coped for as long as possible, but ouch it was painful & the contractions where 3 minutes apart sitting down but as soon as I stood under 3 minutes, by 9:30pm we was on our way to the hospital.
I Planned a natural birth, water birth, which meant no drugs, no epidural, just gas & air & sterile water injections if I had bad back labour. All was going to plan, I was monitored, baby was monitored our heart beats where beating together sweet heart, we was doing really well.
I had my waters broken at 1:00am went straight from 5cm to 7cm, I got in the water & then it all went so fast (not at the time for me it didn't but looking back), my midwife said you would be here around 6am, well baby girl by 2:30am I was pushing, I even came up with a new technique to help with the breathing, lets call it the Kyla way ;-), with every contraction that came I ducked under the water & pushed.. you see this way I had no option but to push, I wasn't loosing these breathes I was making sure I was pushing, my midwife & hubby and mum & dad who was present found this hilarious!
By 4:10am I gave my last push & my little girl was here, just behind me, I could hear everyone saying, she`s here, your baby girl is here, words cant explain how happy I was, all I had to do was turn & see you.
I turned around you was there, you took my breathe away, my angel, so beautiful......
But you didn't open your eyes wee one, you didn't move, you didn't cry.
We are waiting on the final report to see the COD, but have been advised it appears it was Hypoxic Ischemic Encephalopathy, lack of oxygen to the brain for up to 20mins, causing organ failure & brain damage due to an infection.
The infection is believed to be Group B Strep, something I have never heard of, through out all of my pregnancy I had never been informed of this Group B strep. And of course I wasn't tested.
They believe when my waters broke or when the stretch and sweep was done 18 hours before birth, that the infection got in. During the whole birth process no one had any idea of the distress my baby was going through, she was dying inside me, while all the time I was thinking I was about to become a mother and my mission was to push her into the world, little did I know what was happening to her.
I had a healthy perfect pregnancy, and no symptoms of a urine infection through out, I wish I did maybe then it meant they would test me the right way via the swab and I would have received the antibiotics and I would have my healthy happy little girl with me.
Words will never describe how perfect you where Kyla, & we had you in our world for 16 hours, we felt your heart beat baby, we felt your warmth, held your hands, tickled your feet, stroked your head,you tried sweet heart, but for some reason you had to go & we had to make that decision the hardest one of our lives. But you fought till the end & me & daddy & everyone held you all the way, your last breathes I`ll never forget, I didn't want to let you go but I had too, but mummy promised that you would get your angel wings & I have to believe you did & your our angel who watches us from heaven.
Life is cruel & I don't know how we will get through this just yet, but this is now our new journey & we will take you along Kyla, & I hope this blog even if no one reads it will help us, just to write how we feel & maybe one day we can look back & see that there was light at the end of the tunnel & we did make it through, I just don't have the answers yet & don't know how to :-(
Forever in our hearts baby girl X x x
An angel in the book of life, wrote down our baby`s name, as whispered as he closed the book, to beautiful for this earth.
