I made this video the day before Kyla`s funeral, we played it that day for her & for everyone to see I guess our journey, of being pregnant & then of our baby girl.
3 months have gone by so slow but yet so fast, I`m sat here thinking what have I been doing..?
Surviving is what I have been doing.
People say oh your so brave....
I don't think I am, I think its a fact of having to survive this horrible journey, we have no option in this, no option at all.
When I do look back actually, I think to the first few days, few weeks & remember thinking how will I EVER get through this, what will our lives be like, I never thought id smile or I guess live through it.
But I have smiled, & I have laughed, it hurts, it hurts so much, but I do know & someone said this to me, you will always have that hole, it will never be filled, your lives will never be the same again, BUT you will start to build a life around that hole, & I know its early days but I think that we are doing this without even knowing.
You can either be consumed by the grief or have a little control over the grief, you don't let the grief control you, its hard but its so true, you either sink or swim.
I also read something that really hit home, a girl who wrote so truthfully about the loss of a child wrote the following:
You understand that you can die bitter, or die thankful.
There is no in between.
You can make your Childs legacy be one of tears and sadness, or joy and transformation.
You can sit in your pain, or help lead others through their pain.
How true is that!
We did get your Medical report baby girl, but we need it explained, it broke my heart to read it, I just hope you didn't suffer, & I`m still sorry I didn't get you here safe, I feel like I broke my promise.
We just know that you was fine inside & out, so why you was taken in the final stage I just don't understand!
Love you always xx XXX
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