Waiting with a question mark ?

Waiting.....waiting......& more waiting

Hey Mr post man, where is my letter, it should be here, it`s not just a normal letter Mr post man, its so close to the final hurdle of why my daughter died , so please bring me the letter Mr post man, they said it would be here.

But do I want to read it, do I want to see inside....?

There could be so many reasons, there could be nothing at all, my heart aches more, my hands tremble, my breathing I cant control. I want to run so far away, but then I realise, I cant escape this, it isn't going to go away, and you cant escape yourself, I cant run away from me.
But then then I find myself again, be strong, your a big girl, you can do this, but mainly you have to do this, for yourself, your man & more importantly my baby girl.

After all we have been through why does this feel like the hardest one of all?

Is it because the death of my baby will always leave a question mark no matter what, even if there are answers, I know there will always be a question mark.

Life now has so many question marks, I went to the beach today, where we went and had our baby bump pictures taken, I walked the in the spot I walked in not too long ago, I remember how happy I was, it made me smile, but then I thought if only I knew what heartache was ahead of me, if I could have screamed at myself....if only I knew.

Would I change it...NO not in a million years, but the question mark will always remain.

I`ll check the post tomorrow maybe the letter will be there, maybe the question mark will have an answer, an answer to one question that is, why they took the most precious, important piece of my world away, but there will ALWAYS be more questions and ill always be waiting until the day I get to meet my baby girl again.

I Love you Kyla Sian always X x x