So my little angel mummy wants to add to this blog all about my weekly progress through this pregnancy with your little brother or sister & basically to write about how I'm feeling etc being pregnant again after losing you, and how the loss of you effects me now.
Week 18 - Felt so many more movements, near enough daily movements :), it makes me so happy to feel this little baba, but at the same time so weird as 10 months ago this was you my angel in here kicking away. Haha as I'm writing baba is kicking.
So week 18 has been totally mixed, feeling the movements best thing ever.
Anxiety has kicked back in though, the fear of GBS creeping in somehow!! Or just something not being right or going right is just constantly on my mind! I drive myself mad!
I have a Doppler so I can listen to the heartbeat but even after hearing the heartbeat a few hours later I'm thinking 'oh god...is everything ok still, what if the GBS gets in, what if there is something wrong'
I cant stop thinking about when Kyla came out and that silence, no cry, nothing. Its scares me, it haunts me, and I know I cant deal with that ever again! So my mind panics me, thinking what if this little baba comes out and there is nothing, the same silence :( :( or what If late onset GBS kicks in, we take baby home we are so happy and in love & then the stupid GBS comes!!!
But then I think was it GBS with Kyla, they are only guessing really! So what if there is something else...aggggghhhh!!! I know I have to stop and breathe. And think ok today is ok, this little beautiful blessing is growing and moving and all is ok. So HARD!!!
Just over a week though until we have our big scan, that scares me, but hopefully all is ok and we can have our baby sex reveal party!!!
So this week is a mixed week, there is excitement and there is nerves and worry.
Nearly half way there........breathe and relax is all I can do.
I also think knowing that Kyla's first birthday angel birthday is coming up, its playing on my mind more. I'm dreading that day, I think I have to think about just holding Kyla and not all the 'oh I was in labour now, oh I would have pushed her out now, oh its 4:10am this is when my world crashed in front of me........I cant reply that day, I just cant.
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