Bumping along Week 20 & week 21

Week 20 - Hey baby BOY!!! Wow I cant believe your a little boy. I was so shocked, I really thought pink! Words cant describe how happy we are, it took a few days to sink in, but baby blue and we are so in love with you.
We bought your first little items of clothing. It was hard going back into the same shop where we bought Kyla's first few things too. My heart felt heavy walking past the pink things, how does it all just change so dramatically from then to now. That question why and how are never far from my lips.
But as hard as it is, we are excited to pick out our first baby blue items.
My belly Is rather large for 20 weeks! But I know you show earlier with your 2nd and hey this little dude is showing good growth, think we have a big boy on the way.
We have been feeling you move heaps, everyday really now for the last few weeks. And you are even pushing/hitting the sky remote on my belly! We used to play this game with Kyla when she was around 27-28 weeks and she would push the remote up and down, so we thought we would try it with you & bam straight away you was hitting it!!!  So strong hey little man!


Week 21 - Ok the weeks are ticking by...its going fast! This baba boy is getting strong :) some movements take my breathe away, but I love every little part of it. I feel so blessed to be pregnant again I know how lucky we are.
My anxiety and negativity keeps hitting me hard though, I have really good days full of positive thoughts, but then some days I just crash. I love this little man so much already and it scares me.
How can we fall so in love again just in case something happens, I mean no one really knows what happened, yes they think GBS and lack of oxygen but my placenta went missing so how can we ever be so sure. This scares me so much!! I promised Kyla I would get her here ok and I didn't, I don't care what anyone says...I didn't and I promised, I cant make the same promise little man, I want to but I cant. I think forward to the day when you'll be born, what if you don't cry......what if our world falls apart again, we have only just started rebuilding it all and we have fallen in love with you.
Its scary overwhelmingly scary.
I just have to trust in my body and my baby and my angel. I'll do everything that I can to make sure this ends with a live crying kicking baby in our arms.
Please pray that this time it will be ok.