Baby girl, I miss you!!!
I miss you every single day, every single hour, every single minute, every single second.
I'll miss you on every birthday, at every Christmas, on every anniversary, I will forever miss you.
Your mummy`s little girl always and forever, and that's how it will always be.
I hope your ok in heaven, I worry about you, I wonder who came to meet you on that day, that day when we held you in our arms and you slipped away, was you ok baby girl? Did you see my nanas and daddy`s granddad? I love to think they came and met you, they hugged you tightly and kissed you gently, they play with you and teach you, and most of all I hope they tell you about me and your daddy, I hope you know about us baby, I hope you watch us and love us just like we love you.
I see you smiling if I close my eyes, its hard to picture you properly though, your beautiful eyes never opened, but I try to imagine them baby, and I see your little smile, cheeky cheeks and dimples like mummy.
I see you in other children, when I see a mummy and daughter, I think of me and you, because I am your mummy and you are my daughter, I imagine brushing your hair, and tickling you as you giggle away, I sing to you.... Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, how I wonder what you are.....I think of you all the time.
I wish more than anything and I would give my last breathe to just hold you again or to see you smile.
I hope in time I can dream about you, I just want to know your ok. I need to know my baby, my girl, I need to know your ok.
Mummy`s not doing that great, I`m trying though Ky.
I`m trying for you.
I struggle with what to do now, all I want to do is be with you, and I cant be, so if I cant be I just want to remember you and think of you all the time, its been 18 weeks nearly baby, 18 weeks , the hardest most scariest, most horrible time of mine and daddy`s life.
I cant go forward and I cant go back, I feel stuck in a world of me and you, but your nowhere to be seen, just in my heart. I hate it baby, and I cant help but say "why"..."why you"..."why us"....
God has a plan, people say, there is a lesson in this....I struggle with that, why what would the plan be? to loose you, what would the lesson be...?
I met two angel mummy's, my heart breaks for them, we are the ABC club (angel, baby. club),
they lost there world too, they lost their angels, we spoke today about the lesson and what is the lesson that we have we learnt or are we still learning it?
Was it...to learn Compassion, to learn pure love, BUT really what could the lesson be..? What could the lesson be for us in loosing perfect little babies??
I don't see it....not yet anyway....ALL I see right now is that its unfair, its unbearable and its torture to the soul.
I hope you meet their angels, maybe you all play, I would like to think you do baby girl...playing and smiling :) all of you happy.
Oh Kyla, I cant believe that this is it babe, this is the journey me and you where meant for, I`d do anything to change it, I would do anything for you.
If I could put you back in my belly where you was safe and happy I would do it.
But I cant, I never can.
Miss you to the moon and back a million times over.
Keep safe as I always used to say in my diary when you was growing in my belly, keep safe baby, mummy cant get you here safely now but be safe in heaven, watch me baby and ill always be here for you, ill be watching you back.
My girl, my world, I love each and everyday now and always X x x
This is your song, Magic. Coldpay
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1PvBc2TOpE4
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