Wait for me, I`m still in March, the months have gone by, but to me I`m still there in the month of when you died.
Is it I don't wont to move on or is that I cant.
I think its that I don't want to, if I do I move further away, further away from you.
I`m not ready, I`m not ready to... I guess let go, not even a little.
You was my life for the last 10 months plus, I cant just move on from that.
So I find myself back, back to when I was 20, figuring out my life & what I wanted to be & do.
That's when I met your daddy, back in the UK, and made the big decision to follow him out to New Zealand. Job wise I did sale`s & account management, I enjoyed it, but never gave it my all, because we wanted a family, so I put my concentration into that.
And now I look & realise the tragic truth, for the past 5 years my life has been about a baby, and after all that agonising time of trying and not succeeding, I`m back, I`m back there.
But I`m back with an angel baby under my wing.
It wasn't the way I saw things going.
So clueless is where I am, yet again.
Will we have a baby?? do I put the next how ever many years and how much money into that...??
We YES, YES I will.
I`m not giving up that easy!!!!
So clueless is where I`ll stay...for now...until I get what I want, what we want.
I want you Kyla ,but that isn't going to happen, I`ll have you as my angel baby always though, no one can take that away from me.
This poem fits perfectly! I chose it off my nana when I was about 16, I`m always coming back to it!
Don't quit
When things go wrong as they sometimes will
When the road your trudging seems all uphill
When the funds are low & the debts are high
& you went to smile but you to have to sigh
When care is pressing you down a bit
Rest if you must but don't you quit
Life is strange with its twits and turns
as everyone of us sometimes learns
and many a failure turns about when they might have won
had they stuck it out
Don't give up though the pace seems slow
You may succeed with another blow
Success is failure turned inside out
the silver tint of the cloud of doubt
and you never can tell how close you are
it may be near, when it seems so far
So stick to the fight when your hardest hit
Its when things seem worst
you MUST NOT QUIT
& Looking at my little gorg girl, how could I ever quit, how could I ever not make sure I get another beautiful baby, a little brother or sister for you Kyla.
Love you precious always X x x
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