I cant believe I'm sat here writing in your blog, uploading photos that just don't seem real.
I look at them and think why am I doing this, this isn't real.
But it is real, its a whole year in 2 days since you the most precious beautiful little girl entered and left this world.
You would be getting ready to celebrate your first birthday, you would be taking your first steps, you would be saying little words, you'd be growing super fast and me an daddy would be loving every single minute of it.
I should be planning your first birthday, but instead I'm releasing balloons up into heaven, imagining my little girl catching them, knowing there being sent with so much love from mummy and daddy.
As your day approaches my world still feels very unreal, its a little more balanced in a totally new way but I'm still trying to understand it and live and learn what its all about.
Mummy has been blessed this week with special people who are helping to celebrate your life.
We had on Tuesday a chocolate cake and attempted singing happy birthday to you through tears, we released some pink balloons to you to catch in heaven, you were given a mummy and baby bear from another angel mummy who knows to well this pain. It was a special time. And you came along with me, I sat you on the table with your cake, you sat with the balloons and I held you tightly as we sent them to you.
Today I took to you to the beach, where we had yummy cupcakes, chocolate ones and pink ones with butterflies on them, We had more balloons to send you and your angel friends & we had little boats that we wrote on and sent off into the sea for you. We laughed and had photos taken, creating memories to cherish forever. We sang happy birthday to you sat up in a lifeguard box, it was fun and special.
The girls wrote your name in the sand with glitter. It was another lovely way to celebrate you.
On Saturday me and daddy are going to another beach, we will have a picnic and more cake :)
We will send you more balloons, and we will talk about you and try our best to get through the day.
I don't want to see a clock that day, I don't want to remember bit by bit. I want to celebrate you as weird as that sounds, but I want to be thankful for the time we got to spend with you, those 9 months of watching you grow, those moments after that we held you and got to love you even more.
I want to celebrate what we have now and be thankful for everything you have taught us in this past year. Through the hurt and the pain the only thing that has shone on us is you. Your beauty and light help us through, no one else, just you my girl.
I hope your liking your little celebrations that we have had so far, just remember I will always be holding you close to me every day, I love you more than words will ever say.
I promise to live for you my girl and for your little brother who loves you just as much as we do.
X x x Eat cake and dance on the clouds my girl X x x
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