People are so different and this journey is showing me the true colours of people.
The people who you believe will be there but when it comes to it....they just aren't.
The people who take offence because you cant be there for them because their grieving too but seem to not understand that it happen to us where in immense grief,it was our child, our baby,our life.
Are we all that wrapped up in our own selfish little world....that we cant see the hurt and the pain....that we cant see that the people we love,the people we call family are their needing us.
Is it that they don't want to be part of the grief...they don't want to interrupt there so called perfect little life, and just be there for us.....is it that hard!
Can they not see the pain in our eyes, do they not understand that we cant go back to how it was, its not that easy, where taking baby steps in everything we do, is it that hard to see?
I question myself and think how would I have reacted, if someone close to me loss such a precious gift, would I just turn after the funeral , after a few weeks have passed, would I just turn and walk away??
I don't think I would, I don't think I could.
Would I question them for not visiting me anymore?
Would I question them because I feel there being distance with me?
In my eyes that's selfishness, there thinking of themselves, and not thinking of us.
Or am I wrong am I being selfish? should I be contacting everyone, should I be visiting everyone?
No I just lost my baby, it was only 5 months ago!!!
Do they not understand, that we went from blissful happiness to absolute heartache and despair?
Our world has changed, completely changed.
Where in a hole, which is dark and lonely, we can see a tiny bit of light, where trying to crawl our way up & out of this hole, but the soil and the dirt keeps falling back in around us, we are tired and scared and lost, but where trying our best to get out, but its a big hole and it will take us a very long time to get out, we probably wont ever fully get out.
No one knows what to say, no one knows to do, I feel like screaming "YOU don't know what to say?!! Do you think we have the words for this!"
Is it about words no, its about understanding and being there.
But this is where the problem lies, either people are too wrapped up in there own bubble, or the lack of awareness around child loss & grief is truly not spoken off & is this what people prefer?? Silence.
I had a baby, her name is Kyla Sian X
This is who I am...right now.....
And sadly this is true.....
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