I lost my child today

This poem speaks volumes, time moves on so fast, people come and people go, so many things change, the world carries on, days and months and now years are drifting away,but one thing that still remains is the ache and the pain of losing you and missing you.
I feel it right in my heart just as I did the day you were taken away. It hurts so much.
This ache you can feel, the one that takes your breathe away, the ache that aches for you my little girl it will never go away forever and a day it will be their aching away, I know its a broken heart, one that will never heal, its your space, where all my love and my hurt for you lies, no one can ever heal this ache.

I love you and I miss you more and more, each day I think of you, I think of you when I wake, when your little brother smiles, when a little girl walks by, your always on my mind.
I do feel guilty that I don't have the time I used to, to sit and grieve and cry and go through the memoires of you, that time is filled with your little beautiful brother, but when he's sleeping, that time becomes yours again.
I think of the what ifs, what would you be doing now, what would you look like, would you be cheeky like your little brother, would you be giggly, tickalish, what would your hair be like, what would you like, dislike.....so many thoughts beginning with what would.
22 months old what would you be like.........

I struggle to look at your pictures and this kills me, but its hurts me so much, it takes me right back and I just cant handle it, I think having your little brother here its right their in my face, this is what I should have had with you, and that destroys me, its not fair and its not right, you should be here my girl. All the things Charlie is doing, saying dada,baba,mama, nearly crawling, laughing, his cheeky personality shinning through, its all new and its amazing and I adore him so much but I also know that I should have had all this with you my little girl and I had none of it none.

I'm just so sorry Ky, I still feel like I did something wrong, the place in me were you grew into this beautiful beautiful little girl, was also the place that took you away, me, my body, it took you away, I had no idea and that kills me and forever will.

I wrote the above a while ago, didnt post it for whatever reason.
Just read it now and nothing has changed I lost my child, my heart still aches, this post still stands just as it did a few months back when i wrote it.