Surrendering & embracing grief......
I have i feel embraced my grief my embracing was my only outlet to me surrendering to it in the first 6 months i totally surrendered to it because i had no option, i had to take on each day embracing it and trying to find the answers to being happy again and being ok again, or trying to find my girl in all i did, i tried too find the beauty again,accepting that she wasn't here and she wasn't coming back, embracing the world with a whole new face, if i didn't embrace it i couldn't surrender to it, this is in the first 6 months. I allowed my self to cry and cry, i allowed myself time to feel however i felt, i allowed my self to surrender.
Now its all so different, i had 6 solid months to grieve, then i got pregnant and a whole new journey began, through trying to grieve but trying to be positive for my baby, the embracing i forever tried but the surrendering went away, i didn't ever want to cave into it even though it was always with me, i suppose in a way i fought myself from going back to it scared of the pain and scared of being back in a place i didn't want to be in, knowing the emotion all to well i didnt want to face it.
I felt that i had moved away from it and its only now i know that i hadn't i just learnt to protect myself from it, im too scared to surrender, im too scared of that pain, i know how much it hurts so leaving it be works out for me but i know thats not the answer its not the way to deal with it, it will creep up on me, and it does but i only surrender when i physically cant go on.
Embracing it i can do, i accept that shes gone, and i remember her in every possible way. But surrendering to it thats what i dont do thats what i find hard right now.
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