Capture your grief - Day 18 Gratitude

Capture your grief
Day 18 - Gratitude
Forever I will be thankful to my little girl. I wish so much that I could change things and have you here with me and your daddy, but I'm so very thankful that I held you every step of your life, I'm so thankful that you held on somehow for those precious 16 hours and that I got to kiss your face, and hold you into me, and be your mummy....
Through this heartache you gave me so much more than I could ever have asked for.
I'm forever thankful to you Kyla, my daughter.
You have changed me in so many ways & showed my the true meaning of being a mummy and that pure love a parent has for their child, I am so proud & thankful that you choose me to be your mummy X

 

Capture your grief - Day 17 Explore

Capture your grief

Day 17 - Explore

I choose this picture as it captures my world now.....I have no option but to explore my grief which I am now learning isn't always such a bad thing.
Its what I have to do, I have to explore into this... unknown place which at the moment is my world, I'm grieving, every second, every minute & every hour of every day.
And through exploring my grief, I'm exploring myself and my new world, its all changed, the exploring is very hard but its made me explore so many different things and so many different people and this part of the exploring has helped & is helping me through my journey of grief for my beautiful angel

 

 

 

Capture your grief Day 15 & 16

Capture your grief

Day 15 - Community
Day 16 - Retreat

Community - This is where I'm so thankful for social sites! ...
Through social sites I have come across quite a few support groups for bereaved parents. These special community's are a great support for us angel mummy's & I'll be forever grateful that they are here for us.
Especially Sands!! I have met some amazing people thanks to Sands and now have some great support.

Retreat - In all honesty my home is my retreat, for me loosing Kyla especially in the beginning made me afraid of the world, to me it had all changed & it became a scary place, some where I didn't want to be.
My home is my place where I feel safe, I can feel and be how I want to be, I didn't have to confront my fears off the outside world.
Now in the following months I'm in a bot of a different place and the outside world isn't as scary, but my home is my retreat, my place, where I can retreat to & just be.

 

 

 

Capture your grief - Day 14 Light/ Dark

Capture your grief

Day 14 - Dark/light

Straight away you are thrown into the darkness of grief.
You can't see any light, it's like all the lights in the world have gone and you are trapped in the darkness....
Slowly though little by little each light is turned back on, maybe it's a bit dimmer in some areas but brighter in other areas & you start to step into a new light.
Every morning I try and I have to force my self to step out into the light of life, today I did just that, and today the darkness lifted a little more and I saw more light today.

Capture your giref - Day 12 & 13

Capture your grief

Day 12 - Music
Day 13 - Seasons

Music has played a massive part in my healing after loss, I probably drive my neighbours mental with my songs on repeat but music is my outlet I guess. I can sing and dance or break d...own and cry.
My favourite song for my girl is Sarah McLachlan In the arms of an angel.
I actually hadn't heard if before Kyla, its so beautiful and I it.
Every time I hear it all I think is Ky being in the arms of an angel, it makes me happy to think she is.

Seasons come around so fast! My favourite season is spring, when everything starts changing, the sun starts shinning and life starts to emerge again.
I love seeing the leafs coming back and the colours of life all around us.
I dreamt last spring being 4/5 months pregnant of playing with Kyla and taking her to all these amazing places, the parks, the beaches, having family time and watching her grow. My dreams are still there
Plus it means summer is coming and that means BBQ`S and drinking a lot more 

 

 

Capture your grief - Day 11 - Altar

Capture your grief

Day 11 - Altar

These are our little corners/places of love for our little angel, wouldn't class it as an alter nor a shine.
But little pieces of our baby scattered around our home to show her off to the world and keep her close to us always .

Capture your grief - Day 10 - Support

Capture your grief

Day 10 - Support

This photo was taken at Auckland Airport, my amazing parents travelled all the way from the UK 2 weeks before Kyla was due. They where so happy they got to see me pregnant & see Kyla kicking and moving away, they got a little bonding time with her ...
My mum and dad have been my rock through out this, their strength and support in those darkest days I can never thank them enough for. They helped me to go out into the world again, they helped me to smile and laugh and have faith again.
They taught me so much and helped and continue to help me everyday, even from the other side of the world they are here for me every single day.
I am truly blessed to have you guys and we love you more than words will ever say!
Kyla has the best grandparents, I so wish it was different but I thank for your support then and now!
Love you heaps X x x