Your brothers & Our beautiful girl turning 8 years old
Wow 8 years ago today you came into this world and our lives changed forever in so many ways.
I woke up today and I didn't want to deal with this day, I just wanted to curl up in bed & cry and just relive those moments those traumatizing moments that break me, but then there are those extremely special moments the only ones I have of holding you and kissing your face and being your mummy for those heartbreaking 16 hours that we had you for.
To solider on right now and deal with your beautiful bros and go to work & paint over the heartbreak is super hard because today your are 8 years old!! I cant believe its been 8 years, nearly double digits my girl.
All the what ifs and what would you be like are intense today, I cant stop thinking of the little girl you would be, what would you be into....what would your personality be like, what would you be like as a big sister to your brothers....? So many questions that we will never know & dam that hurts like hell.
People say it gets easier....does it?
Yes in ways maybe, but its more the fact you learn to carry on carrying the pain with you, that pain though never leaves you, its imprinted forever.
For me each anniversary gets harder & that's because I now know what we are really missing out on, having the boys makes you feel it so much more. But of course that's something I'm entirely grateful for, without them I wouldn't have made it through, best distraction I could ever have asked for.
They know all about you my girl. I said to Connor we will get a cake for you, it feels wrong to me at the moment though cake is a celebration and the pain of loosing you makes me not want to celebrate but your life, you, you deserve to be celebrated right...anyway he asked if he can come to your party, I said well Kyla's in heaven she will be having a party up there, he asked what is heaven like....I told him its a beautiful place where your with all the family. Guess you have to hold onto hope that that's true.
I feel more at the moment its just the end that's it, but I really hope I'm wrong.
Charlie always says he wishes you was here, he asks about you, say's your a butterfly, I like that.
Happy 8th Birthday my angel, I love you, we love you & we will never forget you.
Your always our daughter, our first born, we will forever speak your name.
KYLA SIAN O'ROURKE
x X x X x X x X
