Tomorrow is that start of a new year, a full 365 blank paged booked, new chapters to be made and created. I don't think I'll ever be ready to close the chapter on my little girl, I will only close that when I'm no longer here, I promise to live my life for her, to love and breathe & smile & laugh for my daughter. I have hated 2014, its been the worst year of my life and I never want to experience this again, but I was also blessed with a beautiful little girl, my angel Kyla who I will love and cherish and carry with me always.
I am ready for 2015, I am ready to stand again and live again, & too start a new chapter with my angel by my side holding mummy's hand.
So bring on 2015 there are new memoires and new dreams and a dam good book to be written!

 

Happy New Year Baby girl love you always, you have taught me more than anyone in such a short amount of time, forever my shinning light, my angel throughout my life X x x

Remembering your beautiful daughter at Christmas

This Beautiful card arrived for us today from Daddy's aunty in the UK, it totally blew me away.
Its the most thoughtful, most beautiful card I have ever seen.... and the words written inside had me in tears, it me a while to read it.
But oh my baby girl its just so nice, so nice to know that people care and that they think about you and us and they understand that this is going to be really hard.
We truly are lucky to have amazing people in our lives. Yes we have lost people along the way but the people we have now are true beautiful, amazing people and I know how blessed we truly are.

This is just so beautiful

Kyla see's the countless Christmas trees around the world below
With tiny lights like heaven's stars reflecting the snow.
The sight is so spectacular, please wipe away the tear
For she's spending Christmas in heaven this year.

We know how much you miss her, we see the pain inside your heart
But she's not so far away, you really aren't apart.
So be happy Mummy and Daddy, you know she holds you dear
Remember she is safe and spending Christmas with Jesus this year.

She sends you each a special gift from her heavenly home above,
she sent you each a memory of her undying love.
After all love is a gift more precious than pure gold
& Kyla's love will always be in your hearts forever to hold.

Please love and keep each other as she will want you to.
For she can't count the blessings of love she has for each of you.
So have a Merry Christmas and wipe away that tear
we are so sorry she is spending Christmas with Jesus this year.



Beautiful isn't it!

Mummy also got her Christmas present the only thing I really wanted.
I will wear it each and everyday and treasure it forever, sacred just like you my girl.

Your 1st Angel Christmas, Dreams,wishes & imagination

Hey my beautiful angel girl.

Its nearly Christmas, this will be your first Christmas! 9 months old, crawling around, giggling and gooing, wearing your first Christmas outfit, presents stacked under the Christmas tree, not really understanding what's going on but your happy and beautiful and Mummy and Daddy are so happy too.
Dreams, wishes and imagining.....is all I can do.
This time last year you was 7 months old in mummy's belly, we had so much to look forward too, we had all these dreams of you that would soon be a reality, I played out Christmas in my head, imagined what we would be doing, what we would be doing with you, how special this Christmas would be with our little smiling Kyla.
Only this Christmas I find myself imagining again, but imagining having you here at Christmas is something that will never be a reality, I can try and imagine, I can dream and I can wish but that's all I can do again as I know it will never happen.
It breaks my heart everyday not having you here, we miss you so much.

Why is all I can say....Why us....why you.

This Christmas should have been the best Christmas the only present I wanted is you.

I bought you a baby's first bauble and a little pink Christmas tree, I hope you like them, it still feels so unreal doing any of this, buying a bauble when your not here, putting a tree up for you on my own, when you should be here.
They say time is a healer...really a healer....there's never a day that goes by that I don't hurt with missing you, then there is a special occasion that we have to face, there's always something that makes it hard.
Going around the shops, the busy malls, baby's & prams, mothers & fathers, happiness and families everywhere....it feels so lonely and a constant reminder of what is missing.
But I know there are many other people that walk in the same shoes, who are hurting and dying inside but that mask of grief is put on so to the world no one knows, its only if you stopped and looked you would see the pain, but we don't look for that, all we see is happiness and what we want in others. Its a crazy world!

I know that heaven will be having an amazing Christmas, your little angel friends will be there with you playing, you'll be sang carols and given presents, you'll be wrapped in the arms of the angels, you'll be loved by the people who are no longer here.

Just know whatever you do and where ever you are...Mummy & Daddy love you so much & we miss you more than words could ever say, we will be thinking of you on Christmas day angel, I'll be imagining you, your face, your hair, your smile, your personality, ill be thinking of it all and dreaming and wishing.

Thank you for your very special present as well my girl, I know you helped with this one!

Love you 4eva and miss you always X x x x X